Twinzies!
by lolgal555
Summary: House doesn't want to tell Cameron what's so funny. At least Swan's confused too. Contains: House being a pervert.
1. Chapter 1

Emma Swan opened the doors of the closest hospital. It doesn't matter why, and it doesn't matter how, but House and Cameron had been talking near the entrance.

Immediately, House stopped talking, his eyes following the curves of a very familiar-looking woman. He let out a chuckle. "Oh boy."

"What? What is it? Are you having an epiphany?" She asked, trying to look where he was. She saw no one.

"Oh I'm having something alright." He followed the girl to the counter, opening his jacket in order to look as cool as possible. He 'casually' rested on the counter, flinging his elbow on top in a 'casual' manner. Then he 'casually' ran his tongue across his lips. "Hello there!" he 'casually' greeted.

Emma turned her head towards the voice, and noticed his demeanour. "Erh, I'm sorry, do I know you?" He seemed like a pervert, but she knew to never judge on first impressions. Her parents had taught her that.

But he [i]was[/i] a pervert. "Doctor Gregory House." He 'casually' let out his hand. "Now you do."

Emma hesitantly shook the hand of the so called 'doctor.' It seemed a bit rude but she had to ask, "your a doctor?"

House was about to speak, but he got interrupted by Cameron. "Yes, he is," she said abruptly. "Now why are you talking to this girl?"

"Well, as I always say, two is better than one." He motioned to the twins in front of him.

Cameron's mind reeled. She gave House a confused look, then looked at the woman he had been hitting on. The woman looked back. Her mind was reeling also. Their mouths opened, and in unison they said, "I don't get it."

"Oh come, on!" At that moment, House decided: He'd keep his thoughts a secret.

"What? What is it?" Swan questioned. She didn't get it, and it seemed neither did the woman next to her.

House's eyes turned serious and lovestruck, as if he was about to confess his undying feelings. "If I tell you, will you love me forever and never leave my side?" He asked solemnly, taking the Cameron-twin's hand into his own.

"Excuse me?" She quickly took her hand away.

"Aww, I'm heartbroken." He brought his hands to his chest, feeling his slightly quickened heart rate. He turned his puppy-dog eyes to Cameron, who gave him a 'look.' "Really, I am."

Cameron slightly rolled her eyes, and decided to forget it. "We should really get going."

"Spoiler sport." House groaned like a child. "I wanna keep talking to my new best friend," he turned to Emma, "what was your name again?" He changed his tone.

Emma was tentative to give him her name, but found herself instinctively answering. "Swan, Emma Swan."

"Swan, Emma Swan!" He returned to his previous demeanour. House spotted his friend nearing him, but it was too late to duck.

Wilson spotted House from a distance. There he was. He found him. He made his way over, realizing he was with Cameron, and they were talking to a new girl. He pushed it off. Probably something to do with the case. It was only when he stood next to House and noticed the two girl's faces side to side, he instantly jumped back. The resemblance was striking. "Cameron," he started, "I didn't realise you had a twin sister."

The exact same confused look on both their faces was uncanny. He soon got assaulted with questions such as, "what do you mean?" and, "we look nothing alike!" They said some things in unison, too.

He heard a quick movement behind him, and turned around to see House limping away from him at max speed. He sighed. "Oh boy."


	2. Chapter 2

From then on, House had somehow diagnosed Swan with a variety of horribly deathly diseases, submitting her to a variety of completely 'authorized' tests.

This lead to him and his team going over said possibilities which were currently residing in the whiteboard. Then the door to the room suddenly came tumbling down, with a one-hooked man in an outlandish pirate costume in it's wake.

Captain Hook waved his hook venomously in the caned king's face. It was an odd costume for such a man, but that was besides the point. He had his sweet Emma locked up in some cage, and it was up to Hook to find it. "Where have you taken her?" He look straight into the King's eyes while saying such.

The weird one handed pirate guy looked overdramatically into House's eyes. Was he acting? Naw, too serious. Then again, it could just be good acting. Nah, he'd seen good acting, and it wasn't this.

It was at this point where Hook decided to look around the room. His eyes lit up when he saw his Swan in one of their outlandish rags. "My sweet Swan, are you alright?" He gently embraced her, however proud his love may be.

That left only one option... Some mental problem. His mind raced with the many possibilities as he set out to do some 'research' on his new patient. He lifted his cane, pointing it towards the 'pirate' like a sword. "Get away from her, you thievish pirate!" He said with his bravest voice.

Hook smirked seeing the king hold up his cane, like it would do anything. "Oh please!" He widened his arms, "as if a cane can do anything against a hook! Where is your armory? Lets fight like men for this beauty!" Of course his Swan would find this morally offensive, so he signaled to her to play along, then she could take the king from behind.

He didn't see the cane as a sword, so that rules out... then his mind crossed out a large variety of cancers and diseases and such. "Why, wo could go fight with swords, but I pity the fool who would seek triumph in my presence. Here, take my personal wield." He knew he had a sword stashed up somewhere in his office, he just had to find it. He first checked the first corner, and low and behold, there it was! He then handed it to the delusional man. Okay, so the sword was realish, and sharpish, and he could possibly become decapitated, but he only had one more thing to rule out. If this man would follow his delusions to homicide, it would be one thing. If that did happen, House would cleverly duck and then do a spinning double kick by balancing on his cane... or something. It didn't matter anyway, because he highly doubted it was the option that would end his demise.

Hook took the sword, temporarily wielding it in his hands. He felt the sides, not nearly as sharp as he was used to, but he could do. "Prepare to meet your doom old man." He pointed the sword towards the crippled king's heart, then dashed towards him, holding the sword like a sphere. He yelled out a battle cry, until he was harshly pulled from behind by his shoulders. He recognized the hands, but not the grip. Surely his dear sweet Emma wasn't trying desperately to keep this man alive?

The slightly confused look on House's face had pretty much nothing to do with the current situation, other than he had just diagnosed his patient with the most unlikely sickness he'd ever seen?

"House, are you okay?" Cameron breathed out in a desperate attempt to make sure her senpai was still alive.

House turned to Cameron, his secret love of his life aside from Cuddy, and nodded. He then looked at his new patient and said, "this man has lupus."


End file.
